Thursday, October 19, 2006

To hug this feel...

To you: If you ever read this, I want to see your expression:)

There are those moments… when you feel like pinching yourself to know if you really are caught in a time like this, with a certain bent of thought, with that untold expression on your face… Times, when a moment feels like an eternity in the amount of joy it radiates; and the preceding moment you feel confused and cranky for no particular reason. People come and go, and then a person comes. You just realize, that to have and to hold is such a pristine pleasure and you need not escape from the inevitable, for once. What do I do when I’m left with 2 choices – I let go and risk regretting for as long as life stretches, that I’m certainly going to regret, of which I’m sure OR I own it up.

I think it was the timing… maybe the night was too enchanting, the breeze too caressing, the words so warm, that it cracked my stiff self… just a little. As we know with all cracks, what started as a little crack, it widened and widened; and now, I’m left staring into the horizon, unaware of what the next moment would bring, bearing the tormenting gush of this wonderful emotion I had never known before. Strange. The Gods must be crazy. Maybe, that is the way the Gods are

The mornings are another story altogether. I don’t want to share it with anyone. That’s my private feeling:-)

Why am I writing this down? Is it my attempt to freeze this moment, this feel and keep it warm with my earnestness? Is this a way of actually owning it up, and not treat it casually, because I know how special it is? It is both, and more…

I’m lost; my colleagues can tell you better. I suspect I even look preoccupied. Me? Of course, a part of reality which I might as well accept; Yes, me!
If all of it were a little more definite (there comes the word again, as someone would humorously chide me ;-) I would have been a tad more relieved. At least, I would know that I’m not treading the dangerous waters by ‘guessing and assuming’. But I’m still smiling. For once, I want to feel the flow. I want to relinquish control. I want to live this moment, without worrying too much about the next. For once, I don’t want mornings to ever end; but also, cannot wait for the evenings to begin, as I anticipate the next morn’

Do you know how I feel? I suspect you have guessed it. This is my private thought. The cocoon I live in. And you are welcome..

An odd thought occurred… that I hope no one reads this. Isn’t it too intimate…? But I’m nothing, if not definite. I want to put my stamp on everything I think, do and feel.

Thanks, for being who you are:)

I'm sure the Gods are crazy.. me too!